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Emotions/Feelings/Pitty Party/Acceptance [03 Oct 2011|06:34pm]
I had to say it somewhere. This is the only place where I know no one is going to pay attention lol. I don't feel like I can take this. I know what I did was the best for me. Doesn't make me feel like any less of an asshole. I don't feel like I have any friends, and I'm not being dramatic. I know I have friends, but no one I can trust with this.

Maybe we had to break up for me to appreciate the fact that he was always there to listen. Not like it matters. I couldn't handle it. Made no sense to me. How am I supposed to just open up to someone. I'm done dating. I'm tired of always hurting people I love. It's not worth it for me. Until I can figure out who I am, what I want, what I can give, and how not to be an asshole... I think I'm just going to stop.

I really just don't even want to be alive right now. I am not going to kill myself. But this place? Being alone, feeling alone, I just can't deal. I wish I could really cry about it, get out the emotion. I can't cry. I'm just going to sit here and let it bottle itself up. I'm going to drink the pain away anyhow.

Enough of this sob fest. Let someone else be this pathetic. I'll go on like I always do, and probably relive this same cycle over and over again.
[ Fall|(1) Destroyed]

My love and mistress, Livejournal I miss you! [22 Sep 2009|10:31pm]
[ mood | morose ]

So here's what is going on in my life. I'm back in school, in my "junior" year. I put that in quotes because right now I think I still have the credits of a sophomore. I'm only taking 12 credit hours, but good lord it is HELL!

My life as of right nowCollapse )

[ Fall|(0) Destroyed]

[23 May 2009|12:59am]
[ mood | shocked ]

So, I was LJ stalking (it'll catch on, watch out facebook lol) and I was looking through my golden girls communities and there was one post about peeing in the woods. Not a conversation I would expect from this community.

Anywho, I followed an icon cause just by the picture I was like OOO homo! So I went and stalked, (lj stalked or we could do LJ creeped, your call) and this biatch belongs to two communities I didn't even know could exsist on LJ. One is guys just showing their... well to be pc, maleness (if you know what I mean) and then another one called the bathhouse.

Isn't that nutty? I was like holy crap! Well I mean of course I looked at both communities, I'm keeping it real. Didn't join them, I have standards lol.

Anywho. I miss you Live Journal. Give me love!

[ Fall|(0) Destroyed]

[04 Dec 2008|09:18pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

Sometimes when i get on here, I try to post something really meaningful and deep and artistic and all I can ever come up with is crap.

That sucks.

I just feel lost right now. What I think I want may not be what I need. Maybe I'm just a fool, and I suppose I am. I'm not the brightest bulb, but I can still be hurt, I still understand the insults, and whether or not it's sarcastic doesn't mean shit.

I just don't know what my life here means. What important things have I done. I think I can do something great and it just fails.

I think I'm going to church this Sunday. I'm tired of being Godless, I just want direction and I know he can give it.

I miss all my friends here. And to Sarah especially, I'm sorry our last RPG never took off, that was my fault. I haven't been able to keep my focus on anything... at all.

[ Fall|(1) Destroyed]

Random exuberance [01 Oct 2008|11:54am]
[ mood | Outta Here ]

How much am I in love with A Fine Frenzy right now? A lot.

It's such a romantic song and it makes me hopeful. I like that kind of music.

There are so many gorgeous men around me and every day I find I have no hope with them, and yet hope remains. I will be gone soon. Off on my adventure, my life will never be the same and I'm ready for it.

It's cold, my heart is burning and for once it seems amazing. I just want to cry, not from sadness but from joy. Joy of being swamped, completely incapable of everything and for just being human.

I'm not God, never thought I was, and I'm glad I am not.

This is all so random, as it usually is on LJ.

My lj brings me back to my youth, with friends when everything was weird and amazing.

Never go back, keep moving forward.

Only going one way :)

Love to my friend list.

[ Fall|(0) Destroyed]

[06 Jul 2008|07:23am]
[ mood | cold ]

My F*%&ED Up Dream and Fears of the futureCollapse )

[ Fall|(1) Destroyed]

[07 May 2008|10:50pm]
I need help.

I have an RPG in the works with the lovely and talented Ari. I need an actress with the 20's through 40's look. I have Rita Hayworth and Veronica Lake... I need more. Scarlett Johansen is out. Suggestions anyone?
[ Fall|(3) Destroyed]

[27 Apr 2008|10:57am]
I kinda think I got my purpose in life. I'm a tester.

My thing is, I am in love with straight men. They are everything I strive to be. I don't want to be this sissy woman I have become. I want to be normal and still love men. Every friendship I have with a man though makes no sense to me. At prom when Jason asked me if he could grab my ass, then that awkward moment when we were going to dance together and didn't cause I found it more awkward. Then another guy I want, a name that also begins with a J, like he feels for me more than just a friend but is totally straight and with someone else. Why can't they be into me? I get it, I am gay they are straight, people don't turn, it's not a choice. I just wish I could be with someone who I know will love me. Someone who I know is just what I want. Straight guys offer that, even if only for a little while. I don't know what to do.

I long for love but it is refusing my offers.

I shall forever be alone, well great, if you need a back up person to take you places call me, I have no life.
[ Fall|(0) Destroyed]

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